Today is St Valentine’s Day, and I thought I’d jump onboard the ‘Declaration of Love’ train with a short blog.
I’ve never been one who particularly enjoys this day. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a girl, there’s nothing in this world I like more than presents. Every girl expects some sort of gesture on the dedicated days, even if we say we don’t, (men take note).
Historically I’ve seen some horrendously tragic Valentines Days’, one year in my teens a boyfriend (we won’t name names) bought me a large packet of sweet chilli Sensations because he knew they were my favourite… 1) A perfect example of what happens if you don’t intervene as a mother of a teenage boy on Valentines Day. 2) I was mildly insulted, CRISPS.
I mean I’ve never been a massive fan of cheesy gestures, the over the top giant teddy bear, the huge expensive bunch of flowers (that will wilt in a matter of days). However, I appear to have softened in my old age (24).
I’m here with a more simple message today, and one I am so accutely aware of since we became a family. Is there a greater gesture of love and (downright madness) than having a mans babies?! You’re commiting to creating tiny hybrid humans with this person. It’s a huge deal. Huge! It’s not quite the same as a weekend away, or leaving a toothbrush at his house.
I honestly don’t think I knew this level of love until September the 5th. As Andy transformed from my boyfriend (how 21st century of us) to the father of my baby. As he snipped Tobias’ umbilical cord, something pulled all too hard on my heart strings. The deal was sealed a few minutes later as in the chaos, Andy opened his shirt and Tobias nuzzled in skin to skin on his chest, swoon. We all lay there blissed out and in love, our little human delievered safe and well, one of our favourite Saint Raymond songs playing through a speaker and a Doctor stitching my girl parts back together… magical. Any silly worries (pregnancy hormone inflicted) that may have previously crossed my mind melted away!
Since that moment there has been more chaos, the fourth trimester was like living in the trenches. Andy managed to help me find my calm (most of the time). You emerge from those first few weeks however much stronger, as a team, as a couple, and most importantly as a family. By this stage, the frenzy of hormones is calming, you don’t get as irrationally mad at him when he forgets to pick up milk on the way home. You’re not just as sleep deprived as you once were, and the fog is lifting. Getting through those first few weeks is a huge relationship test, and I love Andy all the more for making it through them with me.
Parenthood is a really hard thing to navigate. I’m positive we’ve only experienced the smallest fraction of the many tests it will relentlessly throw our way. I’m also positive however, that there isn’t another man on this planet I’d want to go through it all with. I think that’s a pretty huge confirmation of love!
So this is just a little post for Andy. A cheesy declaration of love? Yes, maybe, but one he deserves none the less. Thanks for making a baby with me! We should do it again someday when Tobias is old enough to help me when I’m feeding the new baby, or need someone to fetch me wipes (3 pairs of hands, now surely THAT would make it easier)*.
Andy you have the patience of a Saint, your kindness, sense of humour and confidence in me as a mum are the things that got me through the first few weeks of bedlam. We appreciate you every day and I only hope that Tobias grows up to be just like you.
This year I feel extra lucky, I not only have Andy to love but I also have my baby boy. I intend to bask in the glory of him being totally unaware / have no other option, than to be my Valentine! I dread the day he comes home and tells me that he’s “sorry mummy” but Lucy with the nice blonde hair and light up shoes who sits across from him at after-school club is his Valentine this year, so I’ll relish it until that dagger to the heart arrives!
*Aware I’m living in a dream land – as if the first born “helps” with the chaos. I’ll probably have to learn to divide my time between wiping one small humans butt and wiping Wotsit dust off another ones face.